


Five Times Qui Gon Apologised and the One Time Someone Apologised to Him

by Velocity_Owl87



Series: Qui Gon's Parallel Life [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Apologies, Canon-Typical Violence, Conversations, Developing Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 10:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12340812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: Five times that Qui Gon Jinn swallowed his pride and apologised for his actions and the one time that someone felt the need to apologise to him instead.





	Five Times Qui Gon Apologised and the One Time Someone Apologised to Him

**Author's Note:**

> I love Qui Gon Jinn and I understand he's been raised in an Order that encourages no attachments. Yet he's always struck me as someone who had them and who would be more willing to say he was sorry and admit to his short-comings had he more time. It would also probably had drawn him and Obi Wan together in a closer relationship and he could have maybe stuck around and influenced everything else. 
> 
> So it was this musing that created this story. Proofed, but if there's an error, it will be edited later.

_ One _

“Oh Tahl.” He breathed out when he got the cell door opened and stepped inside. He crouched in front of her and pushed back the dirty strands of hair away from her face as gently as he could. She shivered at his touch and moved towards it, her eyes closing in silent relief at his touch.

She was filthy, bloody and bruised in a disgusting cell when Qui Gon found her. The civil war of Melida/Daan raged outside and it was the least of his concerns.Getting Tahl out was the only thing he gave a damn about at that moment. 

The frayed bond between himself and his erstwhile padawan twinged at that exact moment, forcing him to acknowledge that wasn’t exactly true. The broken off bond flared with pain when he least expected it and he forced himself to push it all into the Force to be able to focus on the mission at hand. Still, he couldn’t help but to wonder about Obi Wan and what he was doing while Qui Gon was completing the mission that they were given.

No doubt Obi Wan was fighting alongside his newfound friends, Qui Gon thought bitterly. He stopped that train of thought sharply. He didn’t agree with Obi Wan’s choice, but that was on him. He wanted to fight, he would let him. 

He had a duty to see through and he was going to fulfill it. 

“Can you stand?”

Tahl nodded and pulled herself up to her feet. She stumbled, but Qui Gon was there to catch her. She was thin and battered and the sight of her looking so frail and so diminished pushed everything out of his mind. She was badly hurt and the time he had wasted arguing with Obi Wan could have prevented some of the injuries that she had incurred. 

He pulled her close and helped her exit the squalid cell, rushing her out and towards the ship that was waiting to take them back to the Temple. 

He felt a pang of hurt over leaving Obi Wan behind, but his erstwhile apprentice had made his choice and Tahl was hurt. He had to do what he had been sent there to do. 

Even if it was breaking his heart into a million pieces. 

“I’m so sorry, Tahl.”

He murmured as he got her onto the bed in the ship’s sick bay. Medical droids swarmed over her, pushing Qui Gon out of the way. Or trying to, since he stood his ground until Tahl responded.

He needed her absolution. Needed it desperately after everything felt like it had gone to sith hells. 

She sighed and touched his face with her thin, too delicate fingers as he spoke the words. 

“There’s nothing to apologise for, Qui Gon.”

It was only then, hearing her sigh the words that he felt like he didn’t deserve to hear that he backed out of the way. 

He left the room and collapsed in the first empty berth he found and left his heartbreak wash over him.

_ Two _

He could feel Obi Wan’s anxiety and worry before he even set foot in their quarters. He reached out and sent some assurance through the bond, easing the worry somewhat. But the anxiety remained and Qui Gon didn’t bother trying to soothe that. He understood that was a conversation that they needed to have face to face. There was too much between them and the last thing he needed was to lose his padawan after having just gotten him back. 

He rubbed his eyes and keyed in the code, tiredly shuffling in when the door had slid open.

Moving with the same deliberate exhaustion, he hung up his cloak and took off his boots, knowing damned well that he was stalling. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. He was all too aware that there were hurts to be addressed on both sides as well as grief. Not for the same person, but grief nonetheless. 

It had to be done properly, rather than just releasing it to the Force and shutting it up behind walls of stoic endurance. No. He had seen what that did. Xanatos and Bandomeer, despite the positive outcome, had been a harsh lesson that he had taken to heart. He had learned from that mistake. 

A bit later than he was supposed to, but he had learned. 

Or so he had thought. Obi Wan’s defection and the broken bond that no doubt hurt him as much as it had hurt Qui Gon was proof against that. He needed to make it right. 

They both did. 

He wasn’t looking forward to laying soul bare again to someone he had such a turbulent history with. He’d already done it at Tahl’s bedside and despite feeling raw and bruised, he couldn’t back down. It was too important. He had to do it. 

Once he was done, he entered the living area and wasn’t surprised to see Obi Wan was sitting on the edge of the sofa and tea was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He saw the mugs ready and the teapot sitting in its place of honour, no doubt steeping Hosin. 

He smiled thinly at the sight as he staggered over to the couch and sat down, careful to keep just enough distance between them. The bond was still fragile and his shields were only just newly reconstructed, but thin. He didn't want to add any undue distress to the situation. 

Obi Wan noticed the distance between them and moved closer so that he was thigh to thigh with his Master. The touch sent warmth to both of them, making Qui Gon realise that distance was the last thing that they needed between them. He didn’t feel so bereft having Obi Wan’s leg pressed against his, and the feeling of calm acceptance increased in both of them, lessening the grief that they both carried for different reasons.

They both realised it the same time that even though it was still there it wasn’t unbearable and unending. It would heal, the grief would. In time. 

And if they were to be together and honest with each other when they were.

There was a quiet hum of contentment coming from the Force once they had sat closely to each other and Qui Gon took the the to savour that pleasant stillness that had been elusive for him in so long. He heard the rustle and shifting of clothes as Obi Wan took the time to pour them tea. He moved quietly and quickly, depositing a mug in Qui Gon’s hands and guiding his lax fingers to cradle the warm, steaming mug.

When the scent of the tea hit him, he opened his eyes and looked at Obi Wan, who had just picked up his own mug. 

It was Sapir and it brought back memories of Tahl back to him. 

Memories tinged with sharp edges of loss still a bit too fresh, but not as devastating as they had been prior to getting his padawan back and lighting the pyre for her. 

She was gone, but Obi Wan was here. Slightly worse for the wear, but here.

He took in the lank hair, the sharp cheekbones, the scrapes that were barely healed, the bandages around his fingers and sighed softly.

He put the mug down and pushed the hair back and tucked it behind his ear, his fingers smoothing down the untidy braid that hung over his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Obi Wan.”

Obi Wan’s eyes widened and his lower lip wobbled at the apology. 

It made Qui Gon cringe when he felt the surprise, relief, and simple affection that poured through the bond when Obi Wan had been expecting coldness and rejection. 

He could do better than this. He had to do better than this. 

“Come here.”

Qui Gon said and pulled him into a hug, soothing the boy as he cried silently into his shoulder. 

_ Three _

He could see the tension in Obi Wan’s shoulders as they exited the Council Meeting room with rapid steps. 

Qui Gon sighed internally and berated himself silently for his impulsive decision.

It hadn’t been his intention to be so blunt about taking on Anakin as his padawan. He had pictured it a different way, with him nominating Obi Wan for his trials and then making the move to claim Anakin as his newest padawan. 

Except that the Council, in their arrogance and blindness, had forced his hand. 

His frustrations with them could wait though. That was an uphill battle that could be fought later.His actions had been right in the moment, but not what they brought forth. He had more or less achieved his aims, but at a cost.

He had hurt Obi Wan again and that not acceptable.

He had to make it right before things got out of hand. He remembered far too well how long it took to heal all of the damage of twelve years ago and he wasn’t going to repeat the mess. 

Not again. He’d make time if he had to 

That was why he didn’t let Obi Wan leave right away, chasing him down with Anakin in tow. 

“Obi Wan, please. Wait.”

He called out, grabbing his arm before he decided to put on speed and distance between them and make that conversation unattainable. 

Obi Wan, to his relief, did.

“I’m sorry, Obi Wan. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was tossing you aside. That was not my intention. Or the way that I wanted to nominate you for your trials.”

Obi Wan’s wariness and hurt disappeared when both the apology and the next words sunk in completely. 

“Really? You think I am ready to be a knight?”

Qui Gon nodded and smiled, clapping his hand on Obi Wan’s shoulder. 

“I am. You will be a great knight, Obi Wan. You have proven yourself time and time again. It is time and I just wish that I could have done it in a far more tactful manner. I am sorry for the misunderstanding.”

There was a small burst of something joyful that got through the bond, but there was no time to examine it.

Klaxons had gone off. They had to protect the Queen of Naboo and curtail the Zabrak.

_ Four _

Qui Gon gave chase to the Zabrak, Obi Wan behind him. 

Or would have been if it hadn’t been for the shield. 

He debated it. For one moment, he debated going after the Zabrak by himself. They had no time to lose and they had to stop him, or die trying in the attempt. 

Then he got the pure sense of fear so strong over the bond that it made his stomach hurt with it and a flash of a vision showing Obi Wan’s death at the hands of the Za-no,  _ Sith _ \- At the hands of the Sith and it hit him with the force of a Wookie punch. 

He gasped and stopped, the Zabrak Sith forgotten as he worked to release the fear into the Force. He waited for Obi Wan to catch up, brushing away any questions that his apprentice may have had about the situation. They had a Sith to kill.

_ “Nothing fancy. Keep him corralled and watch my blindspots. I’ll watch yours.” _

Obi Wan sent a quick tendril of agreement before they got themselves into battle mindset and used a bit of the Force to catch up with the Sith, who was frantically trying to find a way out. 

He snarled in frustration as he attacked the durasteel panels blocking his way. He tried burning through them with one end of his sabre, but pulled away when he felt the presence of Qui Gon and Obi Wan. He drew up a defence quickly and pushed them back, parrying both attacks efficiently. 

He had expected them to attack him like last time, one on each side of his light sabre. 

What he hadn't expected was for them to push close and attack in what seemed like two completely out of sync movements: The tall one low and the younger one high, throwing him off and providing them with an opening that they exploited mercilessly.

Qui Gon pushed forward, keeping the Sith preoccupied as Obi Wan attacked in the openings that he found. It was slow going, but they could see results. The Sith was flagging and despite reaching for what power he could find, it wasn't enough. He was slipping and he  needed to end the battle now.

So he jumped over the Jedi and attacked, counting on them to be distracted enough to provide and opening. 

They weren't.

He realized that when the tall one reached up and stabbed through his chest. 

He landed on his feet with only enough time to know he had been hit before the younger one cleaved him in half.

Qui Gon watched the body fall into separate pieces on the floor before turning to Obi Wan, who was unable to tear his eyes away from the bisected body of the Sith. 

He was numb, Qui Gon realized. Possibly even in shock.

But Obi Wan was alive. 

Just like he was.

And despite the fact that there was a battle raging out there and they needed to get back to the temple, Qui Gon carved out enough time to pull Obi Wan into an embrace and submerge him within the bond. Maybe for the last time. Or maybe for the first time in many times. He didn't know.

All he knew was that they both needed the touch and he needed to do one more thing before reality-

_ “I know, Master. I know you're sorry. I know.” _

_ Five _

Qui Gon had just dropped Anakin off to his morning mechanics class when he came across the odd sight of the Chancellor of the Republic speaking with Obi Wan. He wanted to move away in case he was seen as eavesdropping, but Obi Wan noticed him and looked up, his changeable eyes turning a deep blue that Qui Gon knew meant danger and came closer. 

Just in time to hear Obi Wan’s carefully worded deflection. 

“My apologies, Chancellor, but Anakin is busy with classes for the foreseeable future. I am sorry, but it would do for harm than good to pull him away, so I must decline your generous offer to have him visit you in the Senate.”

It was smoothly said, with a small quirk of the lips that Qui Gon remembered thinking would be another weapon in Obi Wan’s diplomatic arsenal when he had first been a recipient of it. It helped soften a denied request and helped pave the way for future conversation in another avenue. It was a great tactical move, one that Qui Gon himself had used a few times within his own negotiations.

One that he hoped would have the same result with the Chancellor.

Chancellor Palpatine was surprised. 

Despite it being for a split second, Qui Gon could see it before it was smoothed away by the bland mask of polite diplomacy that was the chancellor’s usual expression. 

But he had caught it and it had made him glad that Obi Wan had taken the initiative and acted upon the suspicions that both had discussed after they both had noticed how much attention the Chancellor paid Anakin. It was a bit odd for a grown man to go out of his way to notice a padawan and Obi Wan had admitted that it made him uneasy after Qui Gon had noticed it bleeding through their bond. 

Qui Gon had agreed in the last message he had send Obi Wan, even stating that they would have to take some action next time they crossed paths with the Chancellor. He hadn’t expected for Obi Wan to take matters into his own hands. Especially since he hadn’t even gotten a message or feeling hinting as such.

Despite them not seeing each other as often as either of them would have liked, they kept communicating with each other. After all they had been through together, Qui Gon had found himself quite reluctant to let that closeness lapse. He had to secretly admit that he was relieved that Obi Wan felt the same. So they kept up contact. If not with messages, then with the bond that had replaced their training one.

It had taken him aback to have discovered it, since he had expected the same silence between them as had happened in Melida/Daan all those years ago. Instead, he had gotten a soft sense of Obi Wan, the bond being one that was unobtrusive and allowing him his own separate bond with Anakin. It was a perfect for their purposes and neither of them thought much about it. Or even bothered mentioning it. 

It was just part of who they were and Qui Gon wasn’t that curious to go searching for reasons for it, oddly enough. He also didn’t even question himself as to why he wasn’t keen on doing it. He was aware that if he did, he’d do some irreparable damage to it and to Obi Wan. 

He was also afraid that he’d be forced to reveal it to the Council and have it be forcibly broken. He didn’t think that either of them could survive a second sundering of their bond. At least not without major damage and that was the last thing that he’d want to ever put them both through. 

So he kept quiet and cherished that small soft corner of his mind that reminded him of his erstwhile padawan while he trained up Anakin to follow the ways of the order. 

“Anakin may be quite gifted, but he still needs to work hard to catch up to hs peer group. I do apologise, but we must insist on having Anakin with us. You do understand that his training must come first, don’t you Chancellor?”

Qui Gon asked, quickly picking up the lead that Obi Wan had paved for him. He went to stand shoulder to shoulder with his former padawan and now colleague and possible mission mate when the need would arise. Both presented a front that the Chancellor quickly realised wasn’t going to budge anytime soon. 

“Well yes, of course. I understand. Maybe in the future, when he is more settled, perhaps?”

The Chancellor asked, with a quick gleam of ugly hunger in his pale eyes that made Qui Gon flick a warning at Obi Wan. Despite being a brief flash, he had seen it and hadn’t liked it. Palpatine was one to be watched. 

And kept away from Anakin.

“Perhaps. We shall see how his schedule ends up. We can’t make promises just yet.”

The Chancellor smiled tightly. 

“Of course.”

Qui Gon and Obi Wan couldn’t move quickly enough to get away from the man. 

_ +1 _

Qui Gon was silent and numb, barely moving as Anakin dropped heavily onto the berth and slumped heavily against his side, his head falling onto Qui Gon’s shoulder. He only lifted his head to make sure that he hadn’t jostled the other Jedi that was lying on the bed partly shielded by Qui Gon. 

“Has he woken up at all?”

Anakin whispered hoarsely. 

Qui Gon turned to look at Obi Wan, who only stirred as Qui Gon prodded at the bond, but was completely out all the same. The tightly wrapped remains of his arm was clutched to his chest and his remaining hand was wrapped protectively around the stump. He shifted in his sleep, making Qui Gon pull up the blanket up around his shoulders to give him some warmth and comfort. 

Obi Wan had never done well with the coldness of space. Just like Anakin, he mused as he turned to look at his last padawan, who was surreptitiously trying to leach as much warmth from Qui Gon as he could without making it obvious as to what he was doing. He gave a dry chuckle as he loosed the blanket he was wearing and wrapped it around Anakin’s shoulders to share the heat. 

He had to smile when Anakin made a pleased noise and got closer, making Qui Gon reflect that if he was a tooka, he’d probably be purring. He shifted a bit and Qui Gon winced at the feel of the bandages that covered the bacta patches they had hastily applied over his ruined face before fleeing far away from Coruscant and the decimated Order. 

Qui Gon winced at the memory of the temple half destroyed as they hurried to gather up whoever and whatever could be salvaged and sent off to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, outside of the grasp of Darth Sidious and Darth Tyranus. All of that he had worked for, fought for...Was gone. 

Not all of it, he amended as he became aware of a small pull from Obi Wan and Anakin’s bonds. He hadn’t lost them, despite the hard won battle against Tyranus and Sidious. He would have given his life for them. He was aware of that. 

Yet he had been too slow, injured during a skirmish before getting the frantic call from Obi Wan and Anakin to get back to Coruscant. 

Only in time to see Obi Wan and Anakin be maimed by Darth Tyranus. 

He closed his eyes and willed the images of them fighting against his former master before he was able to interfere. He had wounded Darth Tyranus enough for Anakin to step in and relieve him of his head. 

Even with a broken arm and one eye working, Anakin had managed it. 

But it had been much too late to save Obi Wan’s arm.

Much too late for anything. 

He felt his eyes begin to prickle with tears he refused to shed. Tears of loss, frustration, anger. Tears he didn’t feel it was right to shed. Not when he had come out of the culling of the Jedi more or less intact, with his apprentice with him and his partner lying in the bed behind him. 

He couldn’t allow himself the luxury of grief. 

They had to contact Bail Organa and Padme. Start a network. Start to rebuild. 

And yet…

He felt his back sag with weariness at the daunting task ahead of them. 

And he doubted he could do it. Even with Obi Wan beside him and Anakin too, he doubted it could be done. 

Yet-

_ “I’m sorry, Qui. We’re both sorry.” _

Qui Gon’s back straightened and he craned his neck to look at the ashen faced Obi Wan who was looking at him sadly. 

Anakin, he could tell, had fallen asleep with remorse bitter and ashy on his tongue. 

_ “Why would you be sorry? After all that happened?” _

Qui Gon asked bitterly, shifting slightly to touch Obi Wan’s cheek, making the younger man’s eyelashes flutter and his pale face colour slightly, making him look more alive than he had previously, when Qui Gon had hefted him into his arms and ran with him to the waiting ship that Anakin had somehow managed to obtain and got them out of the conflagration behind them.

_ “We failed. If we had been more vigilant. If we had-” _

Qui Gon shook his head. 

_ “If there was blame to be passed, it rests on all of our shoulders equally. But there isn’t any. So I cannot give forgiveness when there is none to give. You and Anakin did the best that you could under the circumstances and I am proud of all you did. Even if you had to suffer for it.” _

Obi Wan’s face got darker at the praise and he lowered his eyes, reminding Qui Gon how self-effacing and modest his partner could be. Despite proving himself over and over again, Obi Wan always underestimated himself. It was both endearing and maddening at the same time and Qui Gon made a mental note to let him know exactly how amazing he was. Particularly in the hard days that no doubt would be ahead of them.

_ “It can be fixed.” _

Obi Wan murmured.

Qui Gon shook his head slowly. 

_ “I know. It still doesn’t demean your sacrifice, Ben. If anything, I should-” _

The statement was abruptly stopped by Obi Wan sitting up and covering Qui Gon’s mouth his hand..

_ “You’ve apologised more than enough, Qui. I won’t let you this time.” _

Qui Gon smiled and took Obi Wan’s hand and held it. 

_ “I won’t let you or Anakin do it either. We are at a stalemate it seems.” _

Obi Wan grinned. 

_ “That we are. How would we break it?” _

In response, Qui Gon lowered his head and pressed a kiss on Obi Wan’s palm, making him gasp quietly at the feel of his lips on the tender skin of his palm.

_ “Would that be good enough?” _

Obi Wan looked at him through his eyelashes, his eyes shifting from blue to green and back again, making Qui Gon’s breath catch in his throat again. But this time, it was from another emotion other than grief and loss.

He knew it would be hard. There would be years of hiding. Years of recruitment and training. Yet they weren’t as daunting as they had been before. 

Not with Anakin and Obi Wan beside him and certainly not with Obi Wan looking at him that way.

_ “For now.” _

He could accept that as an apology and he could see that Obi Wan could as well.

END


End file.
